It irritates me no end, when –
– he leaves the toilet seat wet
– he potters around the house, picking up stuff to clean, set right, move around
– he rummages through the fridge wondering why there is still left over food, why the fish bought weeks ago is still uncooked
– he walks through every store in a mall before buying something or sometimes deciding against buying anything at all
It irritates him no end, when –
– I leave my day clothes hanging around for days without giving them for a wash or putting them away to wear another day
– I laze around the house, especially on weekends not wanting to go out or do anything
– I don’t take the initiative to keep the house clean or fridge stocked rightly, when I look clueless if he asks if we need to buy grocery
– I would rather read a book, play Sudoku, watch television than wanting to simply go window shopping or going to the mall or visiting relatives
Yet we’ve been married for 10 years now. We’ve both come to accept each other’s drawbacks. We’ve learnt to ignore some of these, make some adjustments (like I simply use toilet paper to clean the toilet seat instead of screaming at him / he decides what we should do over a weekend instead of leaving it to me) and we push ourselves to do certain things even if we still hate them – just because the other person wants to do them.
We share and update each other about different aspects of our lives but yes, there are still things which we don’t openly discuss as they might have adverse effect on each other, which we feel will hurt the other person, which is painful to even express. Over the years there have been some unvoiced expectations that hurt and made us angry, we’ve even had huge arguments without expressing ourselves clearly. Sometimes the communication has been good, sometimes its backfired.
Our expectation of each other has also undergone a change – or perhaps we’ve just come to know each other well enough to sometimes accept that certain expectations are useless to have! Some are no longer expectations as we know that’s how we will respond and react while for others we have come to accept and respect our different points of view.