My friend and I, both practicing counsellors, for some time now have been witnessing an increasing number of couples walking in for therapy to resolve their relationship issues. When we came across the responses to the recent survey Three qualities I look for in my partner, we were struck by two important aspects:
- The qualities most of you were seeking from your partners were very basic!
- Inspite of these qualities being basic, the struggle to find them was becoming harder and harder.
Our experience too corroborates this fact that although partners seek similar emotional connect from one another, they struggle to meet each other’s needs. It would seem obvious that wanting similar things should ideally increase our chances to get them simply because –
- We all want to be loved
- We all want to be understood
- We all want to be cared for
- We all want to be respected
- We all want an open, honest, and breathing relationship
When we looked at these, it highlighted the need for a crucial distinction between talking about our needs and relating to them.
The way we tend to give to our partner is different from how our partner receives it and vice versa. Alternatively, the way these qualities are understood, interpreted and expressed by our partner and us mean different things to us.
And hence, for the next four days, we will make an attempt to decode the basic qualities of Honesty, Respect, Understanding and Love, based on our experience to help you think, reflect upon, and question yourself about what you’re actually seeking. We believe that this understanding will help you develop a stronger relationship with your partner.
We request you to read through them to come up with your own personal understanding. And if you would like us to focus on any other quality, then please firstname.lastname@example.org